Rewriting your challenges as allies
- Valeria Yermakova
- Jul 14, 2021
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 27, 2021
Challenges and problems are an inevitable part of life. Might as well start seeing them as your Allies in growth.
The language and concepts here are pulled from Conscious Leadership. It’s a phenomenal framework to use when approaching most of life's dilemmas.
This exercise will be on seeing the world as an ally in your growth. It will take about an hour.
We will practice framing the situations and people around you as allies, whether they know it or not. The key here is that it doesn't matter if they see you as an ally for you to see them as one. This framing is for you only, to help you master your energy flow and bring yourself above the line.
“If only this person would go away/this circumstance would disappear, then I would be happy”.
Sound familiar? Most people start with reactive thoughts like this when presented with a challenge. Instead, let us be proactive in seeking learning and growth.
Let's take an example:
Sally works at an hedge fund. Her peers do not care about her well-being, they want her to lose so that they can win. Sally can still see them as allies. She can choose to see them as here in her environment for the sake of her learning and growth. Even if they are unkind jerks. Seeing this will help Sally learn to not be overly attached to outcomes. It will teach her to trust that life is good even in the midst of “opposition” and to invite healthy fear at a catalyst to wake-up and pay attention, rather to remain naive.
We're going to do a writing exercise now. Open up a doc or grab some real paper and a pen.
Think about a person you may not like very much or someone you have some tension with. Could be a friend, a family member, a mean customer service rep, a coworker, a politician.
We will be answering the question,
If the universe were using this person or situation as a perfect ally to help you grow, what would you get to learn about yourself and about life?
Now, write down your answer to “Am I willing to see this person/situation as an ally for my learning?”
Willingness is key here, and if you are committed to seeing someone/something as your adversary, choose a different example, one where you are willing to shift.
Once you find an example where you say “yes”, answer these questions:
What is it that I could not have experienced without this person/circumstance?
What part of this am I most resistant to? Can I see that this is true about me? And am I willing to welcome/love that part of myself?
What is my biggest judgment about the way it is? Am I willing to see that the opposite of my judgment is as true or truer?
How is this person/situation helping me face something that I have been unwilling to acknowledge or face?
What quality could have been developed in me without this person/situation?
What is the universe using this person to the situation to give me feedback?
How is this in service to my growth?
What part of me is this bringing forward to welcome, honor, accept, or love?
In twenty years (or two), what will I say I learned from this person/situation?
In twenty years (or two), what about this will I be grateful for?
Conscious leaders look at life through the perspective of learning and growth. They wonder about how everyone and everything, especially challenges and potential obstacles, are actually allies in their development.
If you ran this exercise in a team setting, at the end bring the team together and debrief on some learnings.
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